Saturday Night with a 12-year old.

Last night went home early(earlier than normal) after church, realised that my brother’s pet fish which has been around let me see… (i bought it when i was sec 3) for 8 years passed away. As I entered my door, i saw my younger brother standing in front of the fish tank, tears flowing down his hugely pinchable cheeks looking at the lifeless body of the fish.

Being the awesome brother that I am, I look at the clock, realising its already 10.30pm, went into my room after expressing a few disgruntled words of sympathy, headed into my room to have my daily dose of scrubs, feeling no real sense of sadness or pity that the fish i bought had died. (the last animal i had attachment to was free willy you see. haha)

Then my brother made an odd request. “kor, can i bury the fish?’

I looked at him and said ‘Do anything you want, actually just throw away la, burying is so ma fan’

Which at this point my brother just went out to sit at the living room sofa, and continue mourning for his loss. This made me feel terrible and I did something that defied all logic and sense. I went out to offer to bury the fish together with my brother.

Armed with a ladle with a broken handle, I went down with my brother to the grass patch near the fitness corner at 11pm and actually start attempting to dig a hole in the ground with  blunt ladle, muttering non audible complaints and swearing in my heart.

It took pretty long actually, midway through the digging, my bro ran up to the house and grabbed another ladle, pushed me aside and started digging furiously. Then we started digging together, furiously digging away without stopping. After which he buried the fish together with a few pebbles and stones from his tank.

As I stood there looking at my brother putting the fish in its grave and wondering what an awesome brother I am, it actually touched my heart. He spoke to the fish, thanking him for being his pet for 8 years, prayed aloud that he hopes to see him in heaven, and saying his final goodbye.

What seem in the beginning a lame act made me realised a few things.

The childlikeness in my younger brother. He wanted the best for the fish, it’s not something he just chuck away, he actually believed that he is going to see the fish in heaven and prayed for it!? Man, no wonder Jesus said let the little children come to him. The sincerity inspired me while  I can only stand there cursing my own cynicism.

His sincerity translated to commitment and loyalty as well. Despite their obvious differences(my bro is nowhere remotely near being a mermaid/merman), lack of communication, my bro knew that is their relationship as pet and master he treasured, faithfully ensuring that the fish is well-fed, tank cleaned and even having a proper burial right till the end.

Then I realised maybe this is how I need to learnt to treat certain people around me, maybe this is how the care group and church should be, fiercely loyal to one another, supporting one another till the end, and being sincere towards both God and people.

Man, God actually spoke to me through my 10 years younger than me brother whom I believed was born with only one mission: To trample on my nerves which will lead to me exploding and dying one day.

Kudos to Hope kids for nurturing my brother, and

Kudos to God to let me witness the beginning of what potentially could be start of a development of a young, powerful and biblical man.

Jiayou Yu Han.

A random day at coffee bean

High time for an update. Am at Toa Payoh Coffee Bean preparing for unit brother’s night tomorrow. 2  things that i’m feeling.

1. the invariable excitement that having a long awaited boys talk an awesome brother’s fellowship

2. feeling so overwhelmed that god should even call me to teach something on biblical manhood despite my own unmanliness in many ways!

Two nights ago, stayed up late to watch the memorial of michael jackson on cnn live, here is a man who composed many touching songs like we are the children heal the world and man in the mirror. I’m a fan, and for all his achievements and humanitarian-ness(if there’s such a word), this is a guy that defies the long believed notion that you gain respect through talking the walk and walking the talk. Irregardless of whether pass allegations against him are true, i’m pretty sure that he did not exactly live out everything he sang. Yet his music moves many hearts, songs touch many lives, and inspired many others to the extent that more than a billion people tuned in to his memorial service. People will remember him for his music, but for being a biblical man? Probably not…

Christian Ronaldo, bought by real madrid for 80 million euros, unveiled in front of 80,000 adoring fans and every minute as i’m typing, 15 club jerseys bearing his name are being sold, the epitome of a sportsman at his peak. Good looking, rich, young talented. People remember him for breaking sporting records, but as a biblical man? probably not…….( what more, paris hilton dumped ronaldo recently, citing him being overly a sissy)

Then, when I was driving and stuck in a traffic jam, this thought occurred.. Many drivers will be able to empathize, we love to drive barefooted, as it enabled us to fill the pedals better, for example, when i wear shoes to drive at times, i tend to over-accelerate or over-brake as well. 

A true man of God is one who is like the bare foot on the pedal, baring his heart towards God, and obeying the word of God fully, without any layers of stubbornness or pride, so God, though I’m far from it, teach me how to remove my layers of shoes, socks and flip flops.

The word.

‘the word won’t work unless you work it’

Monkey in the iron cage.

Unlike Marx and Durkheim, both of who projected optimistic outcomes in the course of modernity, Weber rejects the Enlightenment’s view of evolutionary progress and happiness. Instead he projects a “polar night of icy darkness,” a highly rational and bureaucratically organized social order, an “iron cage” in which people are trapped.” Considering Weber lived and wrote in Germany a century ago it is eerie how he articulated modern Singaporean social order. Yes, we live in an iron cage. Our bodies themselves are being colonized as our system of bureaucracy takes us further into alienation. We live within the autocracy that Weber realized.

Our society and economy are controlled by one percent of the population and that elite cares nothing for the masses. Marx saw this too but (perhaps) mistakenly believed in some utopian outcome brought about by the solidarity of the people. How can we find solidarity when we are trapped in an iron cage? We do live within the “polar night of icy darkness” and there seems to be no morning in sight.

Even education, the most noble of all pursuits, has become terribly impersonal and ultra-rational. Students are coerced into thinking that the lack of a certain degree or the failure to make the cut marks the end any meaningful pursuit in life. This is education? One might argue that education for the masses is a sign of social progress. But what we offer as education is further proof of Weber’s vision. Our teachers are required to administer very specific material, to test and grade using hierarchical methods; grading students as if they were fish being measured and assessed whether to be kept or tossed back overboard.

But what about the students who don’t “measure up”? Do we toss them aside? Of course we do – we have no system in which to work with them. Gone are the romantic days of a teacher/student relationships like Socrates and Plato. We have education factories where the sole purpose is processing not educating. Education has become bureaucratic.

Values has been superceded by aim, purpose.Goal-oriented thinking has undermined the very soul of society. Weber’s pessimistic view of the transition of modern society has been realized.

And other than knocking on and rattling the iron cage violently, there is nothing anyone can do about it. This is what I call ‘Sociological Frustration’

Church and sociology(sort of)

One of the criticism levelled at SOCIOLOGY is that it is too structuralist. The claim that human are irrational actors, history, biography and social forces are the directors. Often I would defend this field of academic studies against such claims, personally experiencing how it is relevant in my life and how it helps me to see in depth many things around me.

BUT

Had a chat with a friend yesterday, we both agreed on one thing though. Humans are NEVER EVER actors in a stage play. The idea and concept of decision making, free will exists. Humans are equipped with the capacity to evaluate the costs and benefits of every decision they make. Throw in emotions and impulse, it will blur your view of costs and benefits, but though a watered-down version, you still know the consequences of decisions you make.

You are who you decide to be,

you are who you choose to become.

You can be from normal techical stream, but you can still choose to not behave like your peers and be mature. You can be surrounded by people who smoke, but you can decide not to take a puff.

You can be born poor, but you can decide to be rich.

That is why God, church and the bible is so important, because the principles taught, the attitudes learnt amongst many other things help us to to make an informed choice as much as possible, untainted and authentic.

That is why, the church is the answer.

Sidenote:

Ps: Shirls, thanks for everything. you ROCK. Hahahaha.